I got a new scale!

My old scale had broken a couple of weeks ago. I told my husband I was going to go to the vet's office to weigh. He was not amused. I knew the ladies who worked there would totally understand, but he just got a pained expression and told me that we would be fitting a scale into the budget.

Today I finally got one. It's digital and it gave me an official number. A number that I'm afraid to share as it's pretty embarrassing.

Here's my concern: If I share it, will you give a little scream of horror and turn your face away from your computer screen? Will you give a quiet "tsk, tsk" in a disapproving way? Will you "un-follow" me?

You see, I was never fat until AFTER my son was born. In high school, I weighed about 108. At 5'4" I looked healthy. At my wedding at 21, I weighed 121. At 25, I weighed 125. I never thought about my weight at all. It wasn't an all-consuming, daily condemning issue like it is now. (BTW, after 25yo the numbers didn't follow my age so nicely!)

I was 147 pounds the day after I gave birth. I weighed 150 when I GOT pregnant. I had gestational diabetes and spent the last three months of my pregnancy strictly monitoring my diet (and I mean STRICT) so that I wouldn't have to use insulin. Apparently all the baby weight was just that--the baby and all the accompanying stuff! It all came off plus three pounds, but I didn't take advantage of that nice situation.

After he was born, I went through a several-month bout of postpartum depression. My hormones were all over the place and the only thing that made me feel "normal" was chocolate. And chips. And ice cream. Once I began to feel more myself and more confident about mothering, I just kept on eating the junk. Mostly 'cause it tasted good, but also because I'd gotten into the pattern of eating for emotional reasons.

That's when I really packed on the pounds. My son will be 8yo in just a few days. I've spent nearly 1/5 of my life at a very uncomfortable weight. My husband keeps telling me to stop saying bad things to my reflection in the mirror. So, I try not to look in the mirror!

Dare I reveal the number? Yay or nay? Will it be like a catharsis for me, or just plain ol' everyday humiliation? Will posting that number help me to FACE the reality of it and get ON with this effort to change permanently? I THINK it might. Or will I regret it?

Aside from the committment to a starting number, the digital scale I can even give TENTHS of pounds! That alone might make it worth posting. (Ha!)

What do you think? Are YOU ready to see those digits? LOL!


Amanda said...

Do whatever you're comfortable with. I wouldn't want you to regret giving out the number. I myself have gotten rid of my scale because I can't stand looking at the number :)

Roxanne said...

See, I don't know! I've never given out that number, but I wonder if it's because it's a form of denial.

I know it's not earth-shattering or anything, which is why I'm making fun of it. But, I wonder if it will actually be useful to me?


Rini said...

I say post it. What someone else thinks of your number is none of your business, after all. :)

Not to mention, with a world full of women lying about their weight, I think we have come to have very skewed ideas of what any given number means. A 300-pound woman is embarassed about her weight, so claims to weigh 250. The woman next to her actually weighs 250 and now thinks she is the same size as the 300-pound woman. She is embarassed, so she claims to weigh 200. The 200-pound woman next to her now thinks... and so on.

I wish more people would just be open about the numbers associated with them. Like age: I don't want a world full of women claiming to be "28" - it's much more comforting to me (as a 24-year-old) to recognize that women well into their 50s are still just "grown", not "old". If women won't tell me their age, I have no way to gauge what the number means for me, and I go right on assuming that anything over 40 is ANCIENT! ;)

If it helps at all, you can have mine. I don't have a digital scale, but the Wii tells me I'm just above 160, depending on the day. (Happily, that's down from the 165 it was telling me at the beginning of the year!) I'm 5'6, 24 years old, and pre-pregnancy. My "ideal weight" is apparently 135.

But, as always, you do what works for you. We can only offer opinions. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Roxanee,

Rini makes a very good point. I think most women are really embarrassed by the number on the scale; and it is all relative.

When I lived in town; my cute little petite blonde neighbor said she'd gained a lot of weight (Boy I sure couldn't tell) and she lamented the fact that she was horrified that she now weighed 180. I remember looking at her and thinking I would just about kill to look at good as you do.

My goal weight is 175. A lot of people might not get that, but I remember when I weighed that amount. I felt terrific and was very comfortable in my own skin.

Roxanne said...

You both make very good points (as you always do!).

I've always been comfortable telling my age, which is 46, BTW. Of course, now I feel "ancient" LOLOL, Rini!

I think that I probably need to go ahead and admit my weight number because I think it's an opportunity to for me to face it, name it and then actively remove it.

Again, my scale give TENTHS of pounds. I have to give a number in order to get to play with my scale properly!

~Tessa~Scoffs said...

This is a hard question for me. As you know, I haven't posted my weight on my "slimming" blog - only my losses. I guess I just don't want to be judged by the numbers. I am considering posting my "starting" weight AFTER I have made more progress. By the way, I would not even bat an eyelash at whatever your weight is....and maybe it doesn't matter. I know many women much smaller than me who are just as dissatisfied with their weight as I am with mine. Focus on where you are going, not where you are coming from. And enjoy the journey!

Roxanne said...

Tessa--I remember a time when I had no idea what I weighed. That was when my clothes were comfortable and I could move without difficulty. The only reason I knew I was 108 in high school was because they had us fill out a form one time for some reason and I had to weigh myself. Same with my wedding weight--for some form that asked.

I miss those days.

I'm leaning toward going ahead and sharing that number. I've never done that before and I've sort of hidden behind it (though I don't know how that helped any).

If I regret it, at least I know y'all are *with* me on this!

(drum roll, please)

According to my new scale I weigh 188.6. I'm 5'4" and my BMI is therefore 31.8. The calculator for that said that I am just on the wrong side of "obese."

Pretty scary word, that.

OK, it's out. My name is Roxanne and I've finally given my numbers.

I'm ready to go DOWN from there, now.

Thanks, everyone. Your imput was very valuable.

Packrat said...

Roxanne, I'm with Amanda, but I do have a scale. Personally, I won't post what I weigh. I will say how much I've lost.

Averyl Hill, M.S. said...

Roxanne, your super accurate scale sounds terrific. Rigorous self-honesty is what works best, in my opinion. But keep in mind I'm only 29, so what do I know. ;)

As for sharing your current weight with all of us, you said that it's embarrassing to you. I would only want you to post it if you thought it would motivate you!

By the way, thanks for changing your comments away from "embedded" to having them open in a new page so that I can comment.

Tessa, I have the same issue with your weight loss blog- I use firefox and there is a bug where I can't comment (they just disappear!)

Mimi said...

Congrats on the new scale and sharing your "digits". There's a lot of accountability in doing so!

Dr. Julie-Ann said...

So...you and I weigh the same. Unless I balance on my toes while gripping the towel rack. Then I weigh less. Until I let go of the towel rack.

So, you see...it IS all relative!

Our respective goals are to get to a healthy weight...which is going to be different for all of us, anyway. *proud hug for staring down the scale*

Khris said...

Yes it is hard to admit our weight but I think once we do that its a relief that "its out there". Hey we are all in the same boat and I how many people that you know aren't in the same boat and don't want to admit it...at least we are and we are doing something about it. I would imagine that your younger ages weights would have been underweight for your height though when I look at the figures....good luck with your weight loss journey...Khris

Lorie B said...

I don't like to admit what I weigh. No to you, but to myself, LOL I will say that I would like to get down to around 170 or so. I am 39 and have had 4 kids, so that is not going to beso easy.

Roxanne said...

Slowly I am getting back on track with computer stuff. Sorry about the delay in getting back to these comments!

Packrat--I've (obviously) been very torn about this. It's so personal! I completely understand.

Averyll--I'm beginning to think that I'm needing to have a little more self-honesty in this area. I'm glad I went ahead and did it. It's a bit freeing, actually. Now I can get down to work!

Mimi--"Accountability" is exactly what I need.

Dr. Julie-Ann--HA! I've done the "lower the number" antics.

My husband thought it was funny to sneak up behind me and put his foot on the back of the scale when I stepped on it once.

I was not amused.

Khris--It definitely has been a relief to admit it to y'all.

I'd like to get to 130 as my goal weight. I know it would feel so great and would alleviate a lot of the issues I'm dealing with now. My high school weight of 108 won't EVER be achieved again LOL!

Roxanne said...

Lori B--It is so amazing how getting near 40 changes the body. THEN you add what happens to the body in pregnancy and it is SO, SO hard to get the weight off. Hard, but NOT impossible.

Is your husband like mine, eating whatever he wants and it doesn't seem to make a difference??? That's so annoying LOL!

Lorie B said...

My hubby struggles all the time with his weight. He has a serious bread thing. He loves the stuff. It is his 'candy'. I am just into all the bad stuff, cake, cookies, etc.

I will admit this much...on the day my first was born, I weighed in at 260. So did my hubby. He kept up with me pound for pound. haha

Lost weight with my second and third kids. Ate very healthy and all. Last kid weighed in at 10 lb 7 oz. I didn't do ANYTHING for my last 2 months of preg. I had zero energy. Now, 2 years later, I am still trying to boost my metabolism into gear. I am thinking of trying your detox plan. Does it work well? How hard is it?

Roxanne said...

Lori--The detox plan works VERY well. It's not hard the first day. It's the next two days that I find difficult because I hear the siren call of the "forbidden foods!"

Thankfully it's only 3 days and it really does take away that bloated feeling and CAN motivate you to keep going.

Suggesion if you try--get Magnesium supplements as the sugar withdrawals can give you a headache. The magnesium helps to relieve that.

Roxanne said...

Lori--ALSO (I don't know if I mentioned this in my post about the metabolism booster), DON'T exercise too much! Seriously. Take a moderate 20 minute walk each day. Seriously!